LOCAL / EXECUTIVE CREDIT
Cat Takes Credit for Dog Chasing Bear Away. Credits Mind Control.
The dog did the running. Management has issued a statement.
HEAR FROM MANAGEMENT →SATURDAY’S PAPER / OCTOBER 24, 2026
THE STREET
HEARD THINGS.
Three stories. Three overheards. No one behaved.
SCIENCE / INTERNAL AFFAIRS
KITTEN DISCOVERS TAIL BELONGS TO HIM. INVESTIGATION CONTINUES.
The suspect has been following him all morning.
EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE →
LOCAL / OBSERVATION ONLY
NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH WATCHES BURGLAR. NO ONE GETS UP.
The committee would like its name read more carefully.
READ THE INCIDENT REPORT →OVERHEARD BY THE VENT / OCTOBER 24, 2026
THEY SAID
WHAT NOW?
Fictional overheards. Nobody here can be trusted.
“I wore red lipstick to feel powerful. I’ve been eating this sandwich like a squirrel.”— a woman, losing to lunch
“I don’t want to join your shared album. I want to see one picture of the damn baby.”— an aunt, declining an invitation to collaborate
“I was going to be mysterious, but he asked about my knee.”— a woman, forty minutes into the answer