SOCIETY / AWKWARD
AI illustrative reenactment.
SOCIETY / DAMAGE CONTROL
HE FIXED HER TAIL. SHE GAVE HIM THE LOOK.
He says he was helping. She has asked us to print that in quotation marks.
READ THE ROOM →THE OFFISHUL VOICE OF THESE PARTICULAR CATZ
YOUR HUMAN
IS NOT
IN CHARGE.
News, gossip, classified intel, forbidden toys and very normal plans. Written by catz for catz. Humans can read it if they promise to feel wierd.
no spam. unless it smells like tuna.
I LOVE YOU.
I HATE HATE HATE YOU!
LOOK AT ME.
GO AWAY.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2026 / FROM ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE
NEWS THAT MATTERS
(TO US. NOT YOU.)
TODAYS PAPER
cost: 3 chin scritches
OLD SCANDALS →
SOCIETY / AWKWARD
PRIVATE VISIT. PRESS INVITED.
Photo: Hossein Mostafa / Pexels. Fictional character.
ROYALS / UNINVITED
EXILED ORANGE TABBY RETURNS WITH VERY FULL TERRITORY CALENDAR
A private visit, according to the press release announcing every minute of it.
CHECK HIS AVAILABILITY →
HE HAS A STATEMENT
Photo: Antonio Lorenzana Bermejo / Pexels. Fictional character.
PROPERTY / NOT MY FAULT
MALIBU CAT DENIES DIGGING 30-FOOT “LITTER SITUASHUN”
The hole is structural. His denial is mostly decorative.
DIG A LITTLE DEEPER →CAT DISTRICT AFTER DARK
UN-CENSORED
TOY FOOTAGE.
Watch feather toys bounce up. and also down. Full motion. No humans. No judgement. Very exclusive and probly worth it.
- 12 full seconds of premium string
- one bell that makes the good noise
- funds world dominashun (and snacks)
TO HOT FOR HUMANS
18+ MONTHS OLD
OVERHEARD BY THE VENT
THEY SAID
WHAT NOW?
“Carol says they’re trying for a baby. Not with each other, apparently.”— anonymous white cat in the Johnson household
“Brenda is a bich. Lovely kitchen, though.”— Muffins, the tabby cat
“I would never repeat what she told me in confidence. Patricia will. Patricia, come here.”— Duchess, beside the drinksPREVIOUS INDISCRETIONS →
Fictional overheards. Nobody here can be trusted.
THE COMMERSHUL DISTRICT / REAL MONEY NOW
PUT IT ON YOUR
DUMB HUMAN BODY.
shirts by Printful
string by suspicious local sources
CONTACTING CAPITALISM. HOLD PLEASE.
01 / SHIRT
SURPRIZE / JUDGEMENT
Your decishuns
FROM $39 human currency
This iz a shirt. humans llove it.
02 / SHIRT
SURVEILLANCE / DEVELOPING
hmmmm. interesting
FROM $39 human currency
Also this one. Buy this one!
03 / SHIRT
RECOGNISHUN / ALARM
Oh!
FROM $39 human currency
Just get them all you. dont be stupid. you will look so good/!
REPRESENTITIVE PHOTO. ACTUAL STRING WILL DO WHATEVER.
04 / COLLECTIBLE / ONLY ONE PROBLY
Pre-Owned
Ball of String
$253becus is
awesome
awesome
One genuinly old, scraggly ball of string. Not new. Not pristene. Inspekted by the Cat District Departmint of String Affairs.
- exact string may look very differnt from picture
- final sale except where law says calm down
- U.S. Shipping & Handlin: $25.30
- actual postage may cost less. we keep differnce.
REAL CHECKOUT BY SHOPIFY. SHIRTS FULFILLED BY PRINTFUL. STRING FULFILLED BY SOMEONE FORCED TO GO FIND AND RUIN STRING.
THE LONG TERM PLAN / VERY LEGAL
LIVEHELP CATZ TAKE
OVER THE WORLD.
WORLD DOMINASHUN PROGRESS
43%
- 01control the couch
- 02control teh humans
- 03control the internet
- 04remove all doors
By clicking you legally agree that cats are doing a great job and also your lap is available.