SPORTS

MARATHON DELAYED WHILE GERALD TAKES FINISH LINE UNDER SOFA.

NOVEMBER 9, 2026 / BY THE CAT DISTRICT STREET DESK

Gerald, a brown tabby, crouches beneath a sofa, pinning a loose wrinkled heap of red finish-line ribbon with a short crooked end trailing beside his paws.

The district marathon remains technikally in progress after Gerald dragged the finish-line ribbon through an open door and under the sofa. Exhausted runners are circling the block while officials negoshiate with a low growl.

Organizers offered him a medal. Gerald pulled the ribbon farther back. A replacement was rejected becus the original had already been paid for.

The race director has now crawled onto the living-room floor. This is apparuntly the first sporting event to end in a custody disput.

Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.

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