PROPERTY / ABSENT OWNER
TWO CATS SEEN ENTERING THIRD CAT’S EMPTY APARTMENT; DOORMAN “SAW NOTHING”
The apartment was empty. The guest list was not.
Two cats were seen entering Olivia Benson’s famously empty downtown apartment on Saturday night, a sentence the building’s doorman would like everyone to stop saying so loudly.
Mizz Furgo arrived first, carrying no luggage and the expression of someone who had already discussed the luggage privately. Tommy Mew Mew followed seven minutes later, wearing sunglasses after dark and walking beside a gift bag that appeared to contain either champagne or an extremely nervous pigeon.
Alfred, the orange tabby assigned to the front desk, told Cat District he saw nothing. Security footage shows him seeing almost all of it, then examining the ceiling with professional intensity.
Olivia Benson is currently away on what her publicist calls an extended wellness retreat and what her neighbors call Kansas. Her representative declined to say whether the visitors had permission, keys, or merely the confidence to act as though both had been inherited.
By midnight, the apartment lights were on, the curtains were closed, and three cats across the street had moved their chairs directly into the window. Each insists this was unrelated.
Mizz Furgo and Tommy Mew Mew left separately. Alfred remains unavailable for comment, although a fresh tin of tuna has appeared beneath the desk and nobody is asking childish questions about it.
THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE
Pattern inspiration: Reporting on two celebrities entering a well-known Tribeca apartment — Page Six. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage. All dialogue and cat characters are invented.
Fiction & satire. Images illustrate fictional characters and events.
BACK TO THE ARCHIVE →