ASTROLOGY / LIABILITY

PLANET MERCURY BLAMED FOR VASE. MERCURY WAS NOT IN THE ROOM.

OCTOBER 25, 2026 / BY THE CAT DISTRICT STREET DESK

A planet has been named in the incident report.

A tabby sits on a wooden side table looking upward toward a starry night window, with a broken blue vase and white daisies on the floor below.

A local tabby, Dennis, has attributed the broken vase to Mercury retrograde, citing “a difficult period for communicashun, travel and ceramics.” He says the household should focus on healing rather than accusashuns.

Asked what a planet had to do with the living room, he said that was exactly the sort of negitavity the chart predicted. His human’s horoscope was unavailable for independent inspekshun because Dennis was sitting on it.

He has requested a quiet space to process the incident. Preferably somewhere with fewer breakables and greater respekt for the stars.

THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE

Pattern inspiration: E! interviews astrologer Aliza Kelly about overlapping Mercury and Venus retrogrades. Published 2026-10-24. All characters and events in this cat story are invented. Original pattern inspiration. This is fictional cat satire, not a report about real people.

Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.

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