MALIBU CAT DENIES DIGGING 30-FOOT “LITTER SITUASHUN”

Malibu resident Montgomery has denied any connection to the thirty-foot hole outside his home, describing it as ‘a litter situashun’ and therefore none of the homeowners association’s business.

Neighbors were briefly relocated to the guesthouse after the driveway disappeared. No one was hurt. Several people were inconvenienced, which in this neighborhood requires its own benefit dinner.

Montgomery’s first statement said he had never seen the hole. His second said it was there when he arrived. His third asked whether a hole technically required a permit if one intended to cover it up.

‘It’s coastal erosion,’ said his representative. The representative is also Montgomery, speaking from behind a hedge.

The HOA has requested an independent inspection. Montgomery has requested a different HOA.

His neighbor Pamela says the entire affair has devastated local property values. She has already contacted his agent about buying the place. ‘Not at that price,’ she clarified.

THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE

Pattern inspiration: Reporting on a sinkhole near Nicolas Cage’s Malibu property — OK!. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage. All dialogue and cat characters are invented.

Fiction & satire. Photographs illustrate fictional characters and events.

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