HAUNTED HOUSE FAILS TO SCARE CAT. MONSTERS TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

The haunted mansion has tried everything: rattling chains, sudden screaming and a vampire emerging from a cupboard he spent forty minutes getting into. The cat remains asleep.

Management called an emergensy meeting. The vampire says he made direct eye contact. The monster says that is impossible becus the eyes were closed.

A more expensiv fog machine has been suggested. So has a different attitood from the guest.

The cat has now rolled over. Staff are counting this as a reactshun.

Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.