ROYALS / UNINVITED
EXILED ORANGE TABBY RETURNS WITH VERY FULL TERRITORY CALENDAR
A private visit, according to the press release announcing every minute of it.
The Duke of Marmaladia has returned to the district for what his office calls ‘a quiet, entirely private visit.’ The itinerary runs to six pages.
Scheduled appearances include a doorway arrival, a second doorway arrival for photographers who missed the first, and an intimate reception for people prepared to describe him as down-to-earth.
The palace confirmed that the Duke is no longer a working royal. Asked whether he had ever been a working anything, a spokesperson suddenly remembered another call.
His former room is now occupied by a tortoiseshell named Judith. Judith was offered the opportunity to comment on his return. ‘Is he collecting the rest of his shit?’ she asked.
A source close to the Duke insists he has no interest in reclaiming his old territory. He has merely requested that nobody sit in it, touch it, or refer to it as Judith’s.
The visit concludes with a short statement about privacy, followed by an exclusive interview.
THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE
Pattern inspiration: Prince Harry’s announced UK engagements — Page Six. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage. All dialogue and cat characters are invented.
Fiction & satire. Photographs illustrate fictional characters and events.
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