RELATIONSHIPS / POINT OF ORDER

CAT DEFENDS EX. ‘SHE WAS AWFUL FOR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASONS.’

OCTOBER 1, 2026 / BY THE CAT DISTRICT STREET DESK

He will not stand by while people get the complaints wrong.

Close portrait of a tabby cat outdoors, looking toward the camera. — Photo: Cat November 2010-1a — Alvesgaspar / Wikimedia Commons. Cropped and resized; image adaptation under CC BY-SA 3.0. Used to illustrate a fictional character.

Local tom Malcolm interrupted a discussion of his ex this morning to insist that everyone had been “extreemly unfair” to her.

Vivienne was not boring, he explained. She corrected birthday cards, ranked her friends by kitchen size and said “brave choice” whenever somebody arrived wearing anything. She also returned borrowed things in worse condition and described this as sharing memories.

The group thanked him for clearing that up. Malcolm said he simply believed in accuracy.

Vivienne has asked him to stop defending her before somebody starts a fund.

THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE

Pattern inspiration: Pete Davidson speaks against public scrutiny of ex Ariana Grande. — E! News, 2026-09-30. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage.

Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.

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