COUNTRY / SECOND CHOICE
COUNTRY KITTY’S “CHOOSIN’ PUPPIES” BREAKS RECORDS. HER HUMAN STILL CHOOSES PUPPIES.
Number one everywhere except her own house.
Country kitty Loretta’s heartbreak single, “Choosin’ Puppies,” has broken the District country chart’s records for weeks at No. 1 and most requests from recently ignored cats. Critics call it devastating. Her human calls the puppies good boys.
The song concerns one human’s decision to spend the afternoon taking puppies to the park instead of sitting with the cat who built her entire emotional schedual around that lap.
Loretta’s label says success is the best revenge.
Her human has asked whether the royalties could cover puppy school.
THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE
Pattern inspiration: Ella Langley’s “Choosin’ Texas” breaks the Hot 100 longevity record (chart dated September 26) — The Tennessean, 2026-09-24. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage.
Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.
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