CAT DISTRICT / STREET DESK / WE KEEP RECEIPTS.

ADVICE / MIXED SIGNALS

Cat’s Guide to Flirting: Ignore Him Until He Leaves. Then Scream.

OCTOBER 20, 2026 / BY THE CAT DISTRICT STREET DESK

Our romance desk has a highly successful sequence.

A ginger cat faces a blank wall while a tuxedo cat in the open doorway looks back as he leaves.

Our romantick advice desk has received several complaints that ignoring someone can make them leave. Correct. That is when the courtship enters its most important fase. For cats seeking a meaningful conneckshun, we recommend the following highly successful sequence.

  1. When he arrives, study a completely unremarkable wall.
  2. If he speaks, begin washing somewhere insulting.
  3. Let him leave. Maintain your dignitee until the latch clicks.
  4. Scream as though he has died at sea.
  5. If he returns, resume the wall. You barely know this man.
THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE

Fictional cats, behavior and dialogue; no recurring identity assigned. Pattern inspiration only, not claims about real people. Relationship-advice inspiration; source publication date not displayed/verified. Satirical cat-to-cat flirting guide, not animal-care advice. Original pattern inspiration. This is fictional cat satire, not a report about real people.

Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.

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