AWARDS / FACE VALUE
CAT PRACTICES GRACIOUS LOSER FACE. VET SAYS IT MAY REQUIRE SURGERY.
Her mouth says congratulations. The rest is a medical matter.
Awards hopeful Celia has spent three afternoons practicing the face she will make if another cat wins. So far, witnesses have identified contempt, nausea and a credible threat to the seating plan.
Her publicist requested “warmth.” Celia opened her mouth slightly. This made it worse.
A vet consulted about the problem says a gracious expression may require surgery, though he cannot guarantee it would reach the personality.
Celia has declined the procedjure. She says it would be easier if they just gave her the award.
THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE
Pattern inspiration: The September 27 VMAs and their competitive nominee field. — Page Six, 2026-09-27. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage.
Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.
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