RELATIONSHIPS / COSMIC EXCUSES
CAT BLAMES AFFAIR ON VENUS. HUSBAND BLAMES DEREK.
The planets are taking a lot of blame for a very local arrangement.
Vivienne says Venus retrograde is responsible for her being found on Derek’s windowsill at a quarter past midnight. Her husband Martin says Venus does not live four doors down with a conveniently broken cat flap.
She has asked him to respect the complexity of her chart. He has asked why the chart smells of Derek.
Friends describe the marriage as entering a difficult phase. Vivienne prefers “a period of discovery.”
Martin has discovered quite enough. Derek, meanwhile, has suddenly become very intrested in privacy.
THE HUMAN STORY BEHIND THE NONSENSE
Pattern inspiration: Aliza Kelly’s Venus-retrograde relationship forecast. — E! News, 2026-10-03. This is an original fictional cat story, not a report about the real people in that coverage.
Fiction & satire. These cats and their scandals are invented.
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