SOCIETY / DAMAGE CONTROL
CAT RETRACTS PURR AFTER LEARNING WHO WAS PETTING HIM.
The pleasure was real. The endorsement has been withdrawn.
READ HIS CLARIFICATION →OCTOBER 17, 2026 / FROM ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE
HOT CAT GOSSUP
WRITN BY CATZ 4 CATZ!
TODAYS PAPER
cost: 3 chin scritches
OLD SCANDALS →
SOCIETY / A SOLID MATCH
SOCIETY CAT ENGAGED TO SCRATCHING POST. FRIENDS SAY HE’S GOOD FOR HER.
He listens. He stays. He has never borrowed her car.
MEET THE FIANCÉ →
CULTURE / THE AFTERNOON SHOW
CATS SAVE NEIGHBORHOOD CINEMA. IT IS A WINDOW WITH A BIRD FEEDER.
The cabinet is moving. The audience is not.
TAKE YOUR SEAT →I LOVE YOU.
I HATE HATE HATE YOU!
LOOK AT ME.
GO AWAY.
THE OFFISHUL VOICE OF THESE PARTICULAR CATZ
YOUR HUMAN
IS NOT
IN CHARGE.
News, gossip, classified intel, forbidden toys and very normal plans. Written by catz for catz. Humans can read it if they promise to feel wierd.
no spam. unless it smells like tuna.
CAT DISTRICT AFTER DARK
UN-CENSORED
TOY FOOTAGE.
Watch feather toys bounce up. and also down. Full motion. No humans. No judgement. Very exclusive and probly worth it.
- 12 full seconds of premium string
- one bell that makes the good noise
- funds world dominashun (and snacks)
TO HOT FOR HUMANS
18+ MONTHS OLD
OVERHEARD BY THE VENT
THEY SAID
WHAT NOW?
“I bought a journal to become more interesting. It’s mostly complaints about parking.”— a woman, starting volume two
“She’s lovely to your face. Stay facing her.”— a woman, backing out of lunch
“She calls him her rock. He just sits there.”— his first wife, recognizing the techniquePREVIOUS INDISCRETIONS →
Fictional overheards. Nobody here can be trusted.
THE COMMERSHUL DISTRICT / REAL MONEY NOW
PUT IT ON YOUR
DUMB HUMAN BODY.
shirts by Printful
string by suspicious local sources
CONTACTING CAPITALISM. HOLD PLEASE.
01 / SHIRT
SURPRIZE / JUDGEMENT
Your decishuns
FROM $39 human currency
This iz a shirt. humans llove it.
02 / SHIRT
CONCERN / ESCALATING
Concerned
FROM $39.50 human currency
Comes in three different shades of tan!
03 / SHIRT
OUR FACE / YOUR BODY
CatDistrict
FROM $39.50 human currency
This iz our face. Now it can be on your body so you can Let evryone know you are AWZSOME!
04 / SHIRT
AN OBSERVASHUN
Fat CAt t-shirt
FROM $40.50 human currency
Soft, comfterbul, and made of three diffrent fabrics becus apparently one wasnt enuf.
05 / SHIRT
NO WITNESSES
innosent.
FROM $40.50 human currency
A very innosent kitten who has never done anything wrong and there are no witnesses anyway.
REPRESENTITIVE PHOTO. ACTUAL STRING WILL DO WHATEVER.
06 / COLLECTIBLE / ONLY ONE PROBLY
Pre-Owned
Ball of String
$253becus is
awesome
awesome
One genuinly old, scraggly ball of string. Not new. Not pristene. Inspekted by the Cat District Departmint of String Affairs.
- exact string may look very differnt from picture
- final sale except where law says calm down
- U.S. Shipping & Handlin: $25.30
- actual postage may cost less. we keep differnce.
REAL CHECKOUT BY SHOPIFY. SHIRTS FULFILLED BY PRINTFUL. STRING FULFILLED BY SOMEONE FORCED TO GO FIND AND RUIN STRING.
THE LONG TERM PLAN / VERY LEGAL
LIVEHELP CATZ TAKE
OVER THE WORLD.
WORLD DOMINASHUN PROGRESS
43%
- 01control the couch
- 02control teh humans
- 03control the internet
- 04remove all doors
By clicking you legally agree that cats are doing a great job and also your lap is available.